May 29th 01:10 Its my life!

Do you ever get the feeling that someone is poking their entire head in where it is not wanted? I fucking do! As if I weren't stressed enough someone I know had been sticking their oar in and making someone who should know better start having some pretty serious doubts. Why can people just not leave well alone? His views are very different to mine, for a start I don't see things in black and white. She knows better than to listen to him, but even so it can lead to doubts arising and its me that has to deal with it. I don't mind dealing with things, but when it is putting a large part of my life at risk because he thinks I am doing something wrong then enough is enough. I am going to have to have a word tomorrow, this cannot carry on. The infuriating thing is he is unbelievably convinced that something is going on, and it isn't. This kind of thing does my fucking head in. Its my fucking life to live, and if I make a mistake and fuck it up its my own fault. What I don't need is advice from someone who does not know the full facts, in fact thats not what annoys me its the fact that having been given ample warning that I do not want or need the advice he continues to try and give it. I know he thinks he is helping, and I do believe he is trying to, but his strong convictions are part of what cause the issues. Why can life never be simple? If only people could let me live my life rather than meddling, however good the intentions. I am so fucking fed up of being told what I am doing wrong, especially when I am not doing anything wrong. I do not mind pointers but I can only take so much before I get seriously annoyed, and I approached that point at about 7.30 saturday night.

Shifty_ben

May 26th 13:05 Yesterday was a long day

Yesterday was a long day, the worrying thing is even after a 13 hour shift I wasn't even slightly tired, I should have been exhausted. Not that I am complaining, its just the principle of it is a little worrying. Finished my GPL article and got it online. Thanks to all the guys on the LXF Forums for their help in proof reading and spell checking it for me. I went to the hospital on the 24th and already I have given up on the doctors orders. I cannot sit idle at work, so I took some painkillers and just got on with filling, and moving things in the stock room. It is about time my body stopped misbehaving and fell back into line. Hopefully it will heal up soon, because it is really starting to annoy me, especially the tubie-grip or whatever it is called. I cannot escape the irony that I injured myself because I thought "I could get hurt doing this" and then changed the way i was approaching the problem to one that the Health and Safety department would be more likely to approve of. If you are going to do something risky do it properly and don't try to make it any safer, thats how you get hurt!
Still it could be worse, and Ill just continue to fight through the pain. Its Payday today, thank the gods for that, it seems like this month has been so long, I really need to curb my spending habits I think. In theory this month I shoul dhave some money roll over into next month as long as I am careful and don't spend it, if I only I got paid enough that i could afford to wire the money to an account that I can forget exists. Better start getting ready for work I guess

Shifty_ben

May 25th 02:15 What a Crap Year!

Well I had hoped this year would be better than last, but apparantly not. Its only May and I have had two hospital visits already. I hate going to see the doctor, all they ever seem to say to me is rest, take painkillers and see how it goes. I knew my wrist was probably ok, but you can only hear so many people tell you it should be checked out before you find yourself caving in. Still it could be worse, at least it was only ligament damage (as I had predicted) I live to active a life to cope with a fracture. Its going to be bad enough trying to mollycoddle my wrist so that the ligaments can heal. In fact I probably shouldn't be typing...........Screw it. Life could always be worse, although I do have to try and get a delivery in with a buggered wrist tomorrow (or I guess more accurately today). Got bollocked by the doctor for taking someone elses prescription painkillers, I guess its understandable but there wasn't any paracetomol available and I was in pain! Ah well. I think on Friday I will do some more work on my upcoming GPL article, and also some more work on manipulate, I have been neglecting it somewhat recently. For now I am going to finish my drink and try to sleep I think.

Shifty_ben

May 24th 02:36 Life, the Universe and Everything

No one ever told me life would be easy, and if they had I would have slapped them around the face and told them not to lie to me again, but I wish every now and then it could be just that little bit easier. I'm not saying it couldn't be worse, because it could be far far worse. But at the same time I do wish that every now and then it could just ease up a bit and let me have a really good day. Today has not been too bad but there have been minor niggles, I'm just so fed up of the way life is going at the moment, I really should do soemthing about it but in true Ben style I cannot be arsed. I always stick with baseless chirpy optimism that things will get better eventually, and I am not about to stop believing that now, its just that eventually seems quite a way off.
Still like I say it could be worse, I have had quite a productive day, cleared more crap out of my overfilled room, I've managed to get my Work Portfolio and CV online (Remembering to remove anything the RIAA could see as breach of copyright, despite it being my work). Theres been some fairly interesting stuff in the news so I have posted links to that on the front page. All I need now is to feel like I am ready to go to sleep.
I really, really want to see the last episode of 24 now, I have seen all the others but not the two hour finale. I guess I will just have to be patient, but I will definitely be buying this series on DVD when it comes out. Not HD DVD, not Blu-ray good old DVD. I won't be bowing to the media companies restrictive methods, and I urge everyone else to boycott HD DVD and Blu-ray. I know it has been in the news recently that they will not be implementing all the measures available, but it is only a 'gentlemans' agreement, and they can change their mind at any given moment.
Better go to bed, work tomorrow

Shifty_ben

May 21st 03:02 What a strange day

Its been an odd day really, haven't felt much better than yesterday, though there has been much much more to keep my mind occupied. Watched a movie called Boy eats Girl, that movie is really really weird, but un-nervingly good. My earlobe started bleeding randomly earlier, didn't even notice until I saw a blob of blood drip onto my shoulder, all rather strange but sod it. The body was designed to regulate itself so I'll just have to trust it to do so. I lost my faith in Doctors a long time ago, even before the debacle with my leg, even now it still plays up and they never so much as X-rayed it!
Looks like I have got a long week of work coming up, the money will be nice, but hopefully there won't be as much stress attached to it as usual. Admittedly its a futile hope but hope springs eternal. I cannot believe its gone 3AM and I am still wide awake, everyone I know is asleep now, Sams been asleep for over an hour and even the insomniacs I know are sleeping (albeit fitfully) or at least trying to. I feel like I could go out and run a mile, not that I am going to try.
I managed to get a bottle of Southern Comfort for 16.09 earlier, thats the cheapest I have seen it so far, although I do plan to checkout Makro at some point.

Should probably try and sleep now I guess, though I still feel quite disturbed at some of the stuff I have seen in the news today.

Posted by Shifty_ben

May 20th 01:18 What is the point?

For some reason I have felt miserable more or less all day, there doesn't seem to be any reason for it. The day has had its ups and downs but then so does every day. For some reason I have found it really hard to escape a feeling of pure misery. People say its because I need a new job, and that just doesn't cut it. Work is stressful but it is not the sole cause of how I am feeling. The problem is I don't know what the other causes are. One is definitely that I can't seem to sleep at night, but I cannot fathom any other reasons, and I suspect that not being able to sleep is related to feelings of depression.

Memories of my past haunt me, but no more than they always have, I just cannot seem to get my head straight at the moment. If it weren't for my music I think I would have gone mad today. Perhaps I should take my own advice and get a massage, or perhaps I need to go abroad for a week or two. I cannot afford the latter and I still cannot picture myself in a massage parlour. It is a strange feeling really, and I just wish I could get rid of it. Having left work I found myself walking in the rain, and it felt strangely appropriate. It feels like I have regressed to my teenage years again. I need to get my head straight, I cannot carry on like this.

On the plus side there may be a computer repair job on offer, but I am not sure yet. I enjoy my job, for the most part, and care how the branch does. I need to defeat these feelings and go back to being the happy carefree person I was when I was younger. I really hope that bitch has not taken my ability to be happy-go-lucky away from me. God knows she put me through hell.

I think I might go for a walk in the rain, I felt a little better doing that earlier, the exercise may even lead to me getting some sleep tonight, one can only hope.

Posted by Shifty_ben